The hardest part

This post is where I'm going to vent a lot of my frustrations.

Do you know what the hardest part of this whole thing is? Working in the nursery. I love my job and wouldn't give it up for anything. I mean, I get to see the miracle of life everyday and it is amazing. What is extremely frustrating, is seeing all these 17 year olds on their 2nd baby and the meth addicts on their 8th baby and none of them have custody of their children because they can't care for them. It makes you wonder why these people who cannot take care of themselves, let a lone an innocent little baby, can have children and we can't. Mike and I are 2 normal people with jobs and a lot of love to give to a child and we can't get pregnant.I just don't get it. My brother and sister in law went through the same thing and now, after 3 years of meds and IUI's (intra uterine inseminations) they are pregnant with my little nephew. Same goes for my good friend Lily, after 2 years and an IUI, she is expecting twins. Why does it have to be so hard for people who can actually care for a child and have so much love to give a child? I almost smacked one of our patients the other day. An 18 year old having her first baby. She said "wow, they are so easy to make, but really hard to push out". I just wanted to punch her and tell her to speak for herself, they are not always easy to make.

The other hard part is that it seems like everyone around me is also pregnant. I was in a delivery the other day and there were 3 out of the 4 nurses in that room that were pregnant.I mean I'm really excited for them, but it's also really hard to see that I'm not.

I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting or it's the hormones talking, but I'm very frustrated and a bit depressed about it all these days. That's why I decided to jump on the blog bandwaggon. It has definitely helped to just put it all out. I know that I can talk to Mike about it, but I just don't know how to do it without breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I'm not the crying type. I think that Mike has only seen me cry a couple of times. Once when he proposed, once at our wedding and a couple of times when my friends were going back home and I knew that I wouldn't see them for a while. I just don't know if I can put all this on him. I'm sure that it's hard for him to. I just feel like a failure to him every month that it doesn't work. I know that he doesn't see it that way, but I kinda do.

Anyway, enough, I'm out for now.