Just Believe

Yes, I got my HSG results and they weren't good. My lab work is all good which is great because that means that I do have eggs and they are healthy, and Mike's sperm count is good as well. The bad news is that there is no chance for them to meet up and create life. My right fallopian tube is completely blocked and my left fallopian tube is "sludgy", like muddy. So, what they need to do now is surgery to try and open up my tubes. It's a laparascopic procedure so it's not a big deal, but it's also not for sure that he will be able to open my tubes up. When I heard the news it was the first time that I have been really upset about a test result. Why does everything have to be so hard all the time? Why can't I catch a break once in a while. I know, I know, woe is me, but seriously, I don't get it. We are good people who, in my opinion, would make terrific parents. I'm not a religious person, I only go to church about once or twice a year, but I do believe in God. But, after that news, I lost a bit of faith for the first time since this whole process. The weird part is that the next day, we were driving to town to go to a movie, and we past this little church that always has little sayings on their sign. The one going to town said "Jesus is smiling at you" and in my head I thought "yeah, right...whatever". On the way back, the sign said "Just believe". It was as if it was talking to me or something. I don't know. I don't really know what I'm thinking. My mom was encouraging and brought my spirits up a little. She said that she knows this will happen for us and that 2 tarot card readers said the same thing, I will be pregnant soon. One of them said that I would be getting pregnant after my sister in law, well, she's due in december so it's my turn!

On saturday we went to the Oakhurst fall festival (don't laugh, it's actually kinda fun) and at the festival there are lots of little booths with crafts for sale. Well, Mike saw this cute little onesie with a skull and cross bone thing on it and was all excited and even said "Look, how cute" and I almost burst into tears. I'm not one to do that often. I don't like feeling vulnerable like that. I've always been a really strong person and I feel like this is weakening me. What's really annoying to me is that over a year and a half ago, my first OBGYN wanted to do the HSG but changed his mind at the last minute and just did an MRI. We could have found this out over a year and a half ago instead of putting my body, myself and my husband through hell with these useless meds. It's all very frustrating.

On a lighter note, Lily is here!!! Yay, I've missed her so much and I can't wait to see her and to kiss that belly full of babies!


Anyway, I have to go to work now. That's what's new with us. So the next step is surgery and let's hope they can open up my tubes. I should know within the nest week when the surgery is so I will let you know.

Have a great everning!