Lily and her belly full of babies

Lily was here for a quick visit this week! It was soooo good to see her. I've missed her greatly since she moved back to Kansas. Her belly full of babies looks terrific! I cannot wait to move to Indy so that we can see her more often. One day was just not enough. I love you Lily and i'm so so so happy for you and Bryan! I wish i would have brought my camera so that I would have pictures of her actual belly full of babies, but I don't. So that is a picture (very obviously) from my wedding.

Just Believe

Yes, I got my HSG results and they weren't good. My lab work is all good which is great because that means that I do have eggs and they are healthy, and Mike's sperm count is good as well. The bad news is that there is no chance for them to meet up and create life. My right fallopian tube is completely blocked and my left fallopian tube is "sludgy", like muddy. So, what they need to do now is surgery to try and open up my tubes. It's a laparascopic procedure so it's not a big deal, but it's also not for sure that he will be able to open my tubes up. When I heard the news it was the first time that I have been really upset about a test result. Why does everything have to be so hard all the time? Why can't I catch a break once in a while. I know, I know, woe is me, but seriously, I don't get it. We are good people who, in my opinion, would make terrific parents. I'm not a religious person, I only go to church about once or twice a year, but I do believe in God. But, after that news, I lost a bit of faith for the first time since this whole process. The weird part is that the next day, we were driving to town to go to a movie, and we past this little church that always has little sayings on their sign. The one going to town said "Jesus is smiling at you" and in my head I thought "yeah, right...whatever". On the way back, the sign said "Just believe". It was as if it was talking to me or something. I don't know. I don't really know what I'm thinking. My mom was encouraging and brought my spirits up a little. She said that she knows this will happen for us and that 2 tarot card readers said the same thing, I will be pregnant soon. One of them said that I would be getting pregnant after my sister in law, well, she's due in december so it's my turn!

On saturday we went to the Oakhurst fall festival (don't laugh, it's actually kinda fun) and at the festival there are lots of little booths with crafts for sale. Well, Mike saw this cute little onesie with a skull and cross bone thing on it and was all excited and even said "Look, how cute" and I almost burst into tears. I'm not one to do that often. I don't like feeling vulnerable like that. I've always been a really strong person and I feel like this is weakening me. What's really annoying to me is that over a year and a half ago, my first OBGYN wanted to do the HSG but changed his mind at the last minute and just did an MRI. We could have found this out over a year and a half ago instead of putting my body, myself and my husband through hell with these useless meds. It's all very frustrating.

On a lighter note, Lily is here!!! Yay, I've missed her so much and I can't wait to see her and to kiss that belly full of babies!


Anyway, I have to go to work now. That's what's new with us. So the next step is surgery and let's hope they can open up my tubes. I should know within the nest week when the surgery is so I will let you know.

Have a great everning!

Murphy's law can suck it!

Hello puppets
So, I was supposed to take a pregnancy test on the 25th. Well, I decided that I would take it a day early. The reason for this is that September 24th was my granddad's birthday. Anybody who knows me well, knows that my granddad is the most important man in my life...well, until I met my wonderful husband. My granddad passed away almost 13 years ago and when he died, a huge piece of my heart died with him. He was more of a father to me than my biological father ever was and I miss him dearly. So the 24th is a special day in my heart and I figured that it might bring me luck. Well, it didn't. Negativo one more time. And of course, since I spent money on a pregnancy test, I get my period that same afternoon. I should have waited one more day before I went and wasted a test. Stupid murphy's law just cost me $ grrrr! Oh well, what can you do. The combination of the negative result, missing my granddad Henri and having a shitty night at work made it a yucky day. Seriously, work is absolute crap right now. So many people are ready to quit because one person is making our lives miserable. We have to constantly watch our backs and it makes it a horrible environment to work in. Even the doctors are commenting on that fact. I am soooooo ready to move to Indy it's not even funny.

So what's next for us? Well I went and had my blood work drawn today. which was day 3 of my cycle and I called the fertility doc's office to let them know when cycle day one was so that they can book my hystersalpingogram. They are very nice at that office. I had heard some negative comments about the staff there, but they have been wonderful so far.

I am actually off for 4 days in a row...yay yay yay! Tonight I am chillin' like bob dylan. Mike is at a race so i have the place to myself. I will catch up on my shows from this week, take a nice long hot shower and start some laundry and just enjoy the evening. Hell, maybe I'll even bust out a nice bottle of wine.

I have booked my flight to Montreal in december. I am excited to go back home for a bit although, I am dreading the snow a bit. I'd rather go to Montreal in early fall or late spring but I have a very important reason to go in the dead of winter. I'm going to be an auntie and I cannot wait to meet my new nephew!

I bid you goodnight

Tests, tests and more tests

Well, the appointment yesterday went well. I really like this Dr. He's quite nice...has a horrible comb over, but he's really nice. Actually, all the staff that I met yesterday was wonderful and helpful.

So he went over my entire history and pretty much said that he is going to be putting me through more tests. First, he wants to check my hormone levels on the third day of my next cycle...on that exact day, no earlier, no later. I guess that determines how many good eggs I have. Then on the 7th day of that cycle, I am to go do a hystersalpingogram to check and see if my tubes are in fact open. He was really surprised that my prior doctors had not performed those tests on me. Once those are done, he will most likely start me on fertility shots. I guess that clomid increases your chances for pregnancy just the first 3-4 months, after that, it decreases your chances. Go figure.

So that's where we are. If I don't have a period by September 25th, I am to do a pregnancy test. If it's negative, I am to start progesterone again to get my period and then do the tests like he said. If it's positive, well, our work is done. He does not want me to use clomid anymore, but he does want me to continue with the dreaded Glucophage...and the gassy-ness continues!

I just hope that my insurance covers some of this stuff. Thankfully, it covered yesterday's consult. As for the hystersalpingogram, they put my diagnosis as "irregular menses", not 'infertility" so hopefully the insurance will cover it.

So, once again, it's wait and see all over again

Pineapple Express

Saw it when it first came out and it's hilarious. Totally want to go see it again. Just had to share

Anyway, so tomorrow is the day that I go to my first Fertility doc appointment. I'm a little nervous...no excited...no anxious to go. I don't know what I'm feeling, I'm just hoping this gets figured out. Like my GP said, I'm getting "egg-old" so I need this done. According to my grandmother's friend (she is an astrologer...is that even a word? She does tarot card readings and stuff) she says that I will be pregnant by my next birthday. I know a lot of people think that stuff is a bunch of crap, but I totally believe in it. Maybe that belief is what makes things happen, but who gives a shit as long as it works right? It's just like when I was having a lot of nightmares and I got a dreamcatcher and the nightmares stopped...probably all psychological but who cares as long as it works.

Lily, Ned and Chuck are coming to visit! Lily, Ned and Chuck are coming to visit! I can't wait!

Oh and Smashbox make-up rocks.

The End

New light

So usually I complain about my GP, not because she's not a good doctor (i would have stopped seeing her if she wasn't) but because she is really stingy when it comes to prescribing meds. I mean, do I really have to see her every 3 months to make sure the lyrica is still working? I'm sure if it wasn't, I would call her ass and tell her so. Anyway, the last time I saw her, she pretty much rocked. Not only did she finally renew my lyrica for 6 months instead of 3, but she changed my metformin. The metformin is the one med that I use for infertility that I was complainin was making me super gassy. Well, she changed it from the regular 3 times a day tablet, to the once a day/extended release tablet. What-a-difference! I feel so much better. Plus she is now sending me to a fertility specialist...finally I feel like we are getting somewhere. My faith has been renewed a bit.

Well, on thursday, we got the new new bed. The other new bed was too soft for Mike, so we exchanged it for a mattress that was more firm. I slept awesome today on the new new mattress so I think it was a good change.

Tomorrow we leave for the Napa Valley area...Calistoga to be exact. Of course, we are going there for racing, but we are also going to do some sightseeing since I've never been up there. Wine tasting here we come!

Hope you all have a fun and safe labor day weekend!

It's 4 pound madness!

Holy craziness at work these days. The last night that I worked, we had 8 nursery babies...8! All but 2 of them were little 4 pounders (ha, that makes them sound like burgers or something). Anyway, it's just craziness.

Negative again for us this cycle. I wasn't as bad as last month. Didn't really get my hopes up this time but it's still disappointing. I went to see my GP today to get a prescription renewed for my Lyrica and she asked how the baby making was going. I told her that it's not. So, she said that I'm getting too old for the "wait and see" game so she's sending me to see a fertility specialist. It's the same one that Lily was seeing so I hope I get the same results as she did. Keep your fingers crossed!

Not much else is going on. Oh, we do finally have our flat screen tv with surround sound and it is awesome! The HD is coming tomorrow too.

Oh and some moron of a "father" got caught smoking pot in the patient's bathroom the other day. I mean seriously! Can't you wait til you go home...or at least go to your car in the parking lot. Come on! And people like that can have babies. I will never ever understand that.